IM NOT THE PROBLEM, YOU're THE PROBLEM!!! [New Noise #021]

YaLL GoT IsSuEs - Grant Fore

"and six months mental health remediation - that means THERAPY!!!" The judge's gavel slammed to punctuate his statement - which seemed a bit dramatic considering all you REALLY did was pretend to be a maintenance man at Dave + Buster's, rewire some of the games to change their "win" state, slowly stock pile thousands upon thousands of tickets, acquire high value prizes and liquidate them through a series of fake online identities on facebook marketplace.

A victimless crime really.

The waiting room was a bit weird, but I guess this wasn't like a DOCTOR doctor. Nintendo Power and Thrasher magazines on a designer Noguchi table with a shag rug. Sure why not. Through the next door you are surprised to hear what you assumed the therapist to be squawking at whoever is in the hot seat right now.

[Ralph Lauren (intro) 0:00 - 1:00]

Lurching drums pound through the walls and they start to shake with synths that sound like they originated from the center of the earth. Must be sound experimental sound bath or something.

[GRANT FORE] "I'm beginning to think that I'm a villain! I don't really like nobody unless they killin..."

"YOU get a molotov! You get a molotov!!" Ok that's weird. Doesn't seem like very doctoral advice, and you watched all 97 seasons of Grey's Anatomy (ex-partner stuff - don't ask).

Maybe it's the patient? "Doctor Grant Fore is ready to see you"

The voice comes from no where as the door opens to a now silent room, As you walk through a lush deep purple cloak is place on you with little robotic arms. "Cute, very Wallace and Gromit" you think.

[No Rest - Grant Fore - 0:15]

"Woke at 5:30, lay in bed for another 30

pop my meds so my anxiety dont fuck me too early

hop in the shower wash the cold sweat off

i'm feeling very dirty"

A hooded (?) Dr. (?) Grant Fore recites from your psych evaluation citing some of your maladies. It's nothing new to you so your mind tunes him out and picks up on the music.

Music? What the hell is even this. It sounds like a hymn from an alien race, if the alien race was into bass grooves that wandered around like a dementia patient.

The room is much more grand than you imagined. Almost stage like, with dry ice smoke wafting. The lighting is dramatic, although you are taking the whole production as a bit of a gag. You just have to be here because the court ordered it.

Just then you notice you two aren't alone, two more hooded figures, not entirely facing you, or anything at all are in some type of silent rapture standing next to a microphone each.

One of them sparks into animation:

[No Rest - samsraps - 1:09]

"bout 10:30 kissed the girl with a 'good night'

tip toe to the mic I got the brightness on lowlight

I'm tappin truth into my phone until it's in stone

tough to mind the goal when every shot is just left post"

Oh I get it. Maybe this is some kind of exposure therapy? He's got a killer flow so you're not pressed that this is eating up some of your appointment hour.

[No Rest - Blvff - 2:33]

"Then run and get rid of me once I give em some sympathy

I hate how it get to me...

We turnin a hellish home into a playground, kids are strugglin to stay up

when other struggle to stay down" Some emotion stirs. The patient sounds like he may have some muscle relaxants in his daily dose but the poetry echoes with truth. You remember your time as a yute...

Platforms lower and the two descend out of sight. You're not sure if you should applause but before too much thought churns in your noggin.... [Miller Lites 0:00 - 1:20]

A new tune starts to fade in, heavenly soul chops wafting amidst the smoke.

The Doctor takes to his microphone...

"Fuck you mean! Dip the whole blunt in the promethazine,

Boxcar racer out the trunk dripping codeine

so mean

resting bitch face on my Jolene"

The groove intensifies and you're starting to feel a bit uncomfortable. Maybe that's the point? He's trying to show the way forwarD? "Why you being so logical? My life feels rather illogical!!!"

The tension is cut as a platform rises to your feet with a microphone on it. Huh? You're not a rapper. You hit the prometh-blunt and feel possessed and address the amplification device

[Miller Lites 1:30 - UGGGY]

"A little of column A

A little of column get the fuck out of my face

I'm bendin the laws of space

My Shadow will stalk you like predators stalk their pray"

The words gush past your lips, but "You" aren't there. It's like god blowing holy air through an empty flute, you are merely a vessel.

"No time to think when Grant sends me the Wav Get Pitted, Big Kahuna with a hundred million Baywatch babes"

The tongue twisting rhymes unlock something in your brain. A flash of light and "You" return to the scene just in time to feel your descent on the platform. Looking up you lock eyes with The Doctor for the first time. He smirks.

The platform falls through the bottom of the world, and they you are no different than a leaf in autumn.

Falling. Falling.

Poof

You look at the alarm clock. 5:30 AM!? You reach for your meds and put on your favorite album before heading to the shower....

Your appointment is booked. Spin "YaLL GoT iSsUeS" by Grant Fore HERE